Translating What Men Say Into What Men Mean
He says: "I'll call you."
He means: "I may call you."
This line isn't the slam dunk most women make it out
to be. Besides being genuinely interested, there are a slew of reasons why a guy
might ask for a number (he needs an ego boost... he wants a quick way to end the
conversation... he bet his buddy he could score more digits, etc). The thing to
remember here is that if he's into you, he will find a way to call. And, no,
emailing, Facebooking or Twittering at him in the meantime isn't going to help
your case. Give the guy a chance to pursue you -- if he doesn't, he's not the
one for you anyway.
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Glamour:
He says: "I
like your shirt/necklace/shoes/hair."
He means: "You look good."
He may have an ulterior motive when he compliments
you, but that doesn't make the praise any less sincere. The fact is, men are
generally terrible at false flattery. Instead of accusing us of feeding you a
line (we know we are!), feel good about the fact that we've noticed something
about you that's attractive and memorable. Just don't ask us to remember the
brand of those cute shoes.
He says: "I've been busy
lately."
He means (if you've dated less than six
months): "I've lost interest in you."
He means (if you've dated longer than that):
"I like you, but I need to focus on other things."
Usually, this is the classic guy blow-off, but there
are exceptions. "Don't forget the big picture," cautions Steve Santagati, who
offers dating advice at badboysfinishfirst.com. If you've dated for a few months
and your guy is usually there for you, don't hit the panic button over his
recent short bouts of inattention. "Just because we get distracted by our jobs
doesn't mean we don't care anymore," says Santagati.
He
says: "I need some space."
He means: "This relationship is moving too
fast."
Nobody's thrilled to hear this one, but "I need
space" isn't always the kiss of death. Often men get excited about a new
relationship and then struggle to turn down the temperature when they're
suddenly seeing you six nights a week. First, confirm that he still wants to
date. (Any answer besides yes means you should take your toothbrush and get out
of there, stat.) Once that's confirmed, revert to early courtship behavior; make
him schedule thoughtful dates in order to see you (no 3 A.M. texts). If the
spark returns, still insist on a couple of girls-only nights a week for the next
several months -- it'll be good for both of you.
He says:
"I love spending time with you."
He means: "I love you... I think."
Guys are notoriously hesitant about dropping the
L-bomb outright. When your man starts talking about how he loves specific
aspects of the relationship, that's probably his way of dipping his toe in those
waters. You should feel good about where things stand, even if the three magic
words aren't directly uttered. "Guys aren't gifted at translating their feelings
fluently to females," Santagati says. "Give a brother a break."
He says: "I don't believe in marriage."
He means: "I'm not going to marry
you."
This is one of those maddening statements you simply
can't overanalyze. He may truly oppose the institution. He may be immature. He
may not care for you deeply enough. In any case, you have a better chance of
making out with Brad Pitt than waiting for him to "come around." Either enjoy
his company for what it is or move on.
He says: "I want
this to last forever."
He means: "I'm really happy right
now."
Most things a guy says about the future should be
taken with a grain of salt. "When a guy says he likes you, he means he likes you
right then and there," Santagati says. That doesn't mean men are unreliable
jerks. But it does mean that when it comes to relationship stability, you should
look at what your guy is doing instead of focusing on what he's saying.
Santagati advises, "You're better off taking an observational stance." Is he
physically affectionate? Does he remember things that are important to you? Does
he support you when you need it?
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